If I were to ask you who you were: what would you say?
You would most likely tell me what you do, and what you compete in. That you're a parent, an athlete, or a coach.
But that is simply what you DO- NOT who you are.
For some, this is scary as shit. Might even bring you to tears. Why? Because we straight up identify with what it is that we do. We don't know who we are outside of this meat suit we walk around in. This can lead to extreme co-dependency if we tie up our identity in something that can be taken away from us literally at any second.
Identity and co-dependency relate to one another but can be spoken at length in separate articles, so for now, we will just be chatting about codependency.
Codependency simply means that we place so much value and worth into the objectivity of certain outcomes that it affects our personal thoughts, behaviors, and emotions. You may have heard of codependency in relationships, but many of us are not aware of this behavior that we place on other tangible things.
I see this for two main populations: Business owners and athletes.
Le's chat about where co-dependency can show up in your business:
-If someone says no to you on a sales call, you get upset and feel the rejection personally.
-If someone has negative feedback about your business or services- you take it as a personal reflection on YOU.
-If you have a low-income month, you fall into a swamp of sadness.
-You completely change your marketing based on how you're feeling- confusing potential clients.
- You get anxious and stressed opening up your bank account so you refuse to do it.
Essentially, whatever your business is going through- you feel the highest feelings about it.
As an athlete it may show up like this:
-Not placing top 5 at the show you trained hard for, and it affects all areas of your life in a negative light.
-You feel only worthy if you're lean
-The stress of progressing consumes you.
-You avoid taking rest days, only eating trackable food; if you divert from your plan you feel like you're a failure.
And this is very normal. But it doesn't have to be.
The first step is being aware of these patterns. Separating your thoughts from your actions.
Because after all, thoughts are simply just that: thoughts. They don't have to make you who you "are", they don't have to drive your actions. It's in our nature to let them because we are constantly wrapped up in the "becoming".
Becoming an IFBB pro
Becoming a successful business owner.
Becoming is important, however- our sole purpose in life isn't to only "become" it is also to "be".
When we spend more time in the "being" (stillness, breathwork, meditation, moving our bodies without a goal, creativity), we can detach from the becoming 24/7. Which ultimately consumes our identity.
Remembering that athletic performance, and business decisions come from a place of strategy. Not emotion, not out of scarcity, fear, or lack.
You WILL have bad months in business. You WILL NOT have the best days, weeks, or seasons in training. But if we can detach our emotions when it comes to decision-making- then these outcomes won't crush our souls.
You are enough.
And you are YOU. Not what you DO.